Heaven's Newest Angel

I'm a sad Momma Bear tonight.
This little boy that stole my heart; Lane Goodwin, has lost his battle against cancer this evening. He was only 12 years old. I've never met this child, nor his family but his story touched my heart in such a profound way. I have followed his story via Facebook since the beginning and I can't imagine going through the things his family has. We all knew it was going to be soon, but I wasn't emotionally prepared. I don't think anyone is ever "prepared" really. I can't imagine how his family is doing.. I do know that Childhood Cancer is spreading all throughout the world and we've got to find a cure. My little family means the world to me and I couldn't imagine something like this happening to Teegan. Team Lane is all crying tonight. But in the morning, we will all continue to fight and find a cure for this attack on our children. I hope I never have to learn how it feels to be a parent of a child with cancer and I count my blessings every day. In honor of my healthy child, I'm going to promise to spend more time cherishing his beautiful face! Let's all get together and pray for Lane and his family this evening. I know I'm going to set aside some of my time and do that. Kiss your babies tonight loves, and be thankful for each moment.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/PrayersforLaneGoodwin?fref=ts

Stupid Urges

I'm a mess.
A total mess.
I've had the urge to either rip someone's face off or cry.. all day. It feels like the longer I'm in public, the worse this urge is getting. :( I'm praying for guidance for my words and my thoughts. I have so many opinions that I have to stomp down in fear of retribution.. God knows my thoughts and how hard it has been for me. Today, it's just so much worse. I've stuck my foot in my mouth and can't seem to say the right things. Guys, please keep me in your thoughts today.. I need all the help I can get!

Why Do I Let This Effect Me?!

Today, I got snubbed by someone who I think of as family. Like polite wave, roll up windows as I'm trying to talk to them snub. :/ Not going to lie, it kind of hurt my feelings. Pathetic. I shouldn't let it get to me, but i do. :( I used to live at their house... treated them all like family.. sisters.. my other mother. I guess time has changed all of that. Just one more thing I hate about this town. Too many things happen and people will always think and voice their opinions about you and your actions. No matter how hard you try; people will always judge you on your hair color, your significant other, your job, and what kind of car you drive. Oh well. I will dry my eyes and try to remember that I am awesome. :] I will always remember that when said people need something from me; I will be the bigger person and be there for them. Like I always do, because that is the type of person I am. I will just try to cut them from my life as gently as possible, because them making me feel this way is not what friends/family do. I will be better off in the long run. Come at me bro.

If I Won The Lottery

What I Would Do If I Won The Lottery

 

The Boring Stuff

* Pay Off Every Student Loan

*Pay Off The Stupid Hyla We Just Had To Have

*Pay Off The Hospitals

*Pay Off My Car

*Pay Off Any Other Debt In Currently Forgetting

*Put Money Is An Account Somewhere For Teegan's College So He Won't Be In Debt Like Us

 

 

Fun Stuff

*Decide Where To Move, Then Do It

*Build A House, A Great, Lovely One

*Buy My Parents/Henry's A House Close To Ours

*Buy My Sister's Family A Modest House Close To Ours

*Move My Bestest Friend, Jenni.. Closer To Me (Preferably Right Next Door)

*Pay Off Her Student Loans For Her Birthday :) Best BFF Or What?!

*Buy Jason & Chelsey A Beeson In The Middle Of Nowhere Like They Want

*Buy Thomas A Big Useless Truck Like He Wants

*Be Able To Go On A Vacation, Now Just To Decide Where

*Finally Have A Wedding <3

 

All of this stuff seems meaningless in the long run, but I'd be happier due to financial security. I would never have to worry about the electric bill or groceries, because I'd always have a nest egg to provide for my family. That would be the biggest blessing of all. All of that nonsense is all well and good, but the security would defn be the best part. I love all of you and if I ever do win the lottery, you all know I'll help with whatever.. that's what family is for.

Always..



Less than 100 days...

The stress has officially set in. Christmas is just around the corner and all of the children are already making lists. Bah-humbug.
Haha. Not. I love Christmas. Lay-A-Way is my bff right now.. and I couldnt be happier. Our family is doing the game where we all draw names out of a hat and only buy for that person (other than the little children of course)... and I drew my brother-in-law, John's name. Thomas got Fidana, my 17 year old sister. We of course have no clue what to get for either... but I started a little today. The kicker of the holiday season: Teegan's birthday is only 2 weeks beforehand. He will be 3 this year and has asked for tools and "Pappaw and Daddy" stuff... so big kid stuff. :) Thomas and I have decided that he will get one large gift for his birthday every year and a few little ones for Christmas. We want him to grow up knowing that Jesus deserves all of the credit on Christmas since it's his birthday... and he gets attention on his birthday. :)
So, I have no idea what kind of an idea to do for his birthday... thank the Lord for pinterest! :) I hope all of my friends can make it this year for his party. Yes, Jenni.. I'm talking about you. This holiday season will be the best yet. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I'll be spending it in Texas!? :)

Tearing Me Apart

Once Part Of Our Family, Always A Part.....
That's a lie in this house. At least for some of the people.
A sister who wanted different things for herself, left our home some time ago. She chose that for herself and moved away. We all were upset and hurt at the things she'd said and some of the things she'd done. Our hearts were broken and we didn't understand her actions. I was hurt. Upset. I'd trusted her. I'd befriended her. I'd stuck up for her when I knew she was in the wrong, and yet.. she hurt me. She talked about me hatefully, she called me hurtful names, she wounded me in ways I didn't think would ever heal. Our other sisters are still hurting. But lashing out isn't going to fix what happened. I hate the spirit of hate these girls carry in their heart for her. She is our sister. No matter what happens, she is supposed to be our family. Right?! Wishing bad things on her won't make you feel any better. To make matters even more important; our sister gave birth to our niece yesterday. I'm desperately trying to find pictures and to send well wishes, but alas, I'm blocked from her facebook account. Probably due to the hateful things I said out of hurt to her after she left. :( I regret the words I chose to use at that time, I wish I could take back the things I said to her because I desperately feel that she needs someone right now. She has been weighing on my heart for some time and I have no way to get into contact with her and it breaks my heart. I love her, no matter what she did to me. No matter what she did to our sisters. She needed to do that for herself and in time, I believe that she will realize the things that happened.. didn't need to. Sisters: Please quit carrying around this hate for her. We all make mistakes in our life and I know that it's hard to forgive people, but she is your sister?! I made so many mistakes before I became a part of this family.. I think back to who I was at that time and wonder what many of you would think about me if you knew about those things.... would you have all turned your backs on me like you're doing with her?! She needs her family. All of us. Knowing that all of you girls are choosing to not be a part of her or her new babies life is appalling. You are all thinking that you'll never be in her shoes, you'll never make those mistakes. Shame on you. We ALL make mistakes. All of us. I just hope I never make a mistake in front of any of you because honestly, I would hate to see the reaction I'd get from my "family"... from my sisters... the same ones who have pledged to love me whole-heartedly no matter what. Please remember that dear sisters when thinking about our estranged sister. She needs us now, more than ever. She's a new mother and I for one, know that it is a hard thing to face. Alexis, if you're out there somewhere in cyber space, I forgive you and hope that you're doing well. I miss you and love you, no matter what.

Is It Saturday Yet?

God bless today. I woke up feeling like a semi truck ran me over multiple times throughout the night, but I pushed on. Ha, not really. I woke up long enough to get dressed and then crashed again on the couch. My wonderful husband went and did the errands we had planned and allowed me to sleep. :) Man, I love that man. We have decided that we'd love the property, but not the house on it. It needing a lot of work was an understatement. Us tearing down and starting over would be cheaper. No for sure thoughts as of right now, but we're still debating on it. When we got to my parents house to pick Teegan up from his sleepover, he runs to the door screaming about how much he's missed us and how he loves us. :) Sometimes it's just really nice to hear those words. The way I'm feeling today, I'm going to need a hot shower (would love a bath, but we don't have one of those, boo) a dose of NyQuil, and the humidifier plugged in once I snuggle in my blankets. Those are dreams of course. My night will consist of getting off work, putting on "Little Engine" for Teegan, rummaging through empty cabinets before finally deciding on cereal for dinner, waiting on Thomas to get home so that he can shower and then we will all go to bed around midnight. Even on the days that I'm only able to breathe through one nostril and Teegan has broken everything in sight, I love this family.
"It be may small, and broken.. But, still good." -Stitch. Oh, the things I learn from children's movies.

Early Morning wake up call from Teegan... As you can tell, I barely have my eyes open. :)